Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
