i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
