Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
