i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
