Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
