areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
