My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
