Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He shit in the fireplace
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
