PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
