Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
someone threw a dead crab at me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
