dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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