Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
