Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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