Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
