i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
