just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
