I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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