Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
