1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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