My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize