i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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