Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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