we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
