So drunk its hurt
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize