do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
