I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
