oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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