Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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