Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
