david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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