ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Watching her eat just hurts me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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