We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
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College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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