i wish there were pregnant emoticons
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So vagazzling was a success
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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