garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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