My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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