So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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