from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
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my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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