Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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