I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
