so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Drake has all the answers
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
