He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
