Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jerry, you need to find god
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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