My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
