I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
