i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
