my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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