he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
