Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He kissed a someone with a penis
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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