What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
