oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
