Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
