dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
