I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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