so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
