no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
