You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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