someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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