That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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