i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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