So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
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Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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