Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
