I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
