There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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