i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
