My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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