I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
