I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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