it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
