the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
