If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize