Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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