apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's the barista slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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